Love & Sex

There are countless people who say that falling in true love with someone is a million times more beautiful than having sex.

The moment mature conversation begins leaving behind the unavoidable, essential and phony dating procedure, two people will commence their emotional tug-of-war each one subconsciously trying hard to love one own self more than the other.

Gone are the days when men were expected to be charmingly chivalrous to a modest neatly dressed woman. The dating rules have changed. Now, men are not expected to give counts of their achievements and accomplishments to skimpily dressed bold women. And women also need not have to wait for men to approach after which they used to wonder diverse dating techniques of creative and not-so-creative men. Now women ask, men answer, men ask, women will ask again. There is nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel inhibited. The situation has changed so dramatically that if one wants to get rid of his/her date, he/she just has to mention that he/she loves him/her. The listener will just walk out of the relationship like mosquitoes flying away from repellants. Nowadays, falling in love is a dating repellant.

Men know they want women, women know men want them, but men don’t know what women want. Women want men to want them. Simple! And we see this all around us, everywhere. Many people still wonder, “What is between women and cosmetics?” An inseparable bond between the two, isn’t it? Let us not waste time in accepting the fact that men have to work a lot harder to attract women. He has to think really hard to come up with good one-liners, be creative to make her laugh, be witty to tease her, be intelligent to impress her and most important, have a large wallet. Whereas a woman just has to slid lipsticks on her lips, dab make-up powder on her face, sweep mascara over her eye-lashes, wear attractive clothes, and there you go, men will go gaga over her instantly. It is so easier for women, isn’t it? Or maybe men are making it easier for women.

Gone are the days when women used to sincerely appreciate and like chivalry, manners, and decency. Now women want bad boys. Women like boys who are careless about their outfit, shabby hair, battered jeans, slang, accent, swear words, dirty MMS, and a habit to squander money. Gone are the days when men used to sincerely appreciate and like decently and modestly dressed women, shy, nervous, charming and laconic. Now men want bad girls. Men like girls who are bold, boisterous with tattoos on her lower abdomen, ring on her navel, shabby unevenly coloured hair, low-waist jeans showing her undergarment, flaunting her curves, enjoys showing middle-finger, and talking dirty. And decent men and women are left only to act as a benchmark so that cool men and hot women can say they are not like decent men and women.

But all this is so accepting, enjoyable and fun before marriage. We all are enjoying our pre-marriage life so much that we not only enjoy flaunting our adventures to family oriented men and women after marriage, but we also sometimes have to avoid talking about our past escapades to prevent embarrassment. There sure must be a tonne of mystery of private sexual adventures behind all married men and women. A past in which everybody enjoyed being a spoilt brat, indulging in immature and objectionable sexual experiments, late-night phones, speeding cars, pornography, arousing dances, smoking, drinking and fighting. Some are so experienced from their past countless flings with men and women that they are totally helpless before their habit and continue their romancing with outsiders even after marriage. Satisfying one’s own sexual desires outside the marriage is not longer looked at as infidelity, cheating and betrayal to the other life partner.

We have observed that such spoilt brats who used to mock and ridicule decent men and women are now desperately searching for decent men and women for marriage. There is a vast difference between dating material and marriage material. In marriage, men want decent, homely, beautiful, modest, understanding, well-mannered, well-dressed, and intelligent having loads of family values. In marriage, women want decent, responsible, stinking rich, independent, preferably with a separate house, cars, pot-belly, bald, grey-hair is acceptable, and a good listener (meaning obedient). There is a strong tacit understanding between the two; they both know that sharing one’s past adventures will only create more discomfort between the two and so they both bury their own respective past memories and experience in their heart and act as if they are naive.    

As far as sex is concerned, both men and women have already enjoyed enough before marriage and so they usually don’t have superior expectations. However, in certain cases, if either one of them isn’t satisfied for direct or indirect reasons, he/she can easily find someone else as a temporary back-up. Extramarital affair, like pre-marital sex, is no longer unacceptable in the society. People are beginning to realize that it is really not that bad an idea to try relationships with no strings attached. One-night-stand is no more an uncommon incident in people’s lives. Private parties are organized for new-comers to join the tribe and cheer the strippers. Curiosity has led people to try forbidden sexual experiments within the family. Some people believe, ‘more the merrier’ even in sex with their life partner. Dirty games like swapping and grouping are played. People have gone to lengths that are just inconceivable in our kind of civilized society.

Some people will ask where is the ‘love’ in the present World? We see love everywhere. Look around and you will see love everywhere. Love for one’s own self. A love that drives people to do anything, absolutely anything. Love for one’s own self has killed love for others. Love for others is now floating through the minds of idealists, garnishing poetries, becoming mundane quotes on emails and sms, enhancing valentine cards, and a subject for writers to write fanatic love scripts. Imagine if people become honest in love. They would say, “I love myself a lot, would you like to love yourself with me?”

5:58 AM - Friday, February 9, 2007